


and eat them for breakfast

by ashen_key



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bisexual Character, Comment Fic, Domestic, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Open Marriage, Open Relationships, Prompt Fic, off-screen UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-13
Updated: 2012-08-13
Packaged: 2017-11-12 01:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/485152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashen_key/pseuds/ashen_key
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can't have sex with him. It'd be unprofessional. And Fury'd probably laugh at me.” Clint's voice was muffled and mournful. </p><p>She rolled her eyes briefly, and returned to her book and her breakfast. “If you have sex with Stark, <i>I</i> will laugh at you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	and eat them for breakfast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sproid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sproid/gifts).



> Written for the [Clint Barton/Natasha Romanoff Promptathon](http://be-compromised.livejournal.com/60569.html), for the prompt, _Tony flirts with Clint. Clint's and Natasha's (and others) reactions?_
> 
> This is all the fault of [TLvop](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TLvop), and I shamelessly stole from her brain. 
> 
> Title comes from the Alfred A. Montapert quote, "expect problems and eat them for breakfast."

“Tony Stark,” Clint announced as he walked into their suite at the Tower, “is a terrible person.” 

It was Sunday morning, eight o'clock and overcast with it. Natasha was, in general, a fan of Sundays. She could sleep in until the decadent hour of seven, and doing things slowly on her appointed lazy day. Generally this meant that she had breakfast while reading a book for enjoyment. A _book_ ; no reports, only non-fiction if it was not directly related to work, and it was a much needed indulgence. 

Today's book was a German political thriller that had her giggling as she ate her museli. At least, she _had_ been giggling; now she had paused, was watching her husband over the top of the book.

“Yes, he is,” she said as he sat down at the table and dramatically slumped over it. He was dressed for the gym, his hair still wet from the post-workout shower. “Why this time?”

“I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a homophobic jackass,” Clint replied, still with his forehead resting against his folded arms. 

Natasha blinked.

“Why?” Then, before he could answer, “because you won't flirt with him?” 

“I can't have sex with him. It'd be unprofessional. And Fury'd probably laugh at me.” Clint's voice was muffled and mournful. 

She rolled her eyes briefly, and returned to her book and her breakfast. “If you have sex with Stark, _I_ will laugh at you.” 

“That's because you can be a jerk.”

“Well, yes. You're attracted to people who are jerks, it'd make sense that I'm part of your pattern.”

Clint raised his head. “How do you know my type?”

“I am more than marginally self-aware, and I've met your ex-wife,” she said, putting her spoon down to turn the page.

“...you know I did date a pretty nice professor once.”

Natasha glanced at him. “And?”

“He was too nice.”

“There you go. Stark's your type. Overly intelligent and snarky. It's a very stupid idea,” she added. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Clint muttered. “And I mean, I know he doesn't mean it. He and Pepper seem pretty exclusive. But it's _really_ annoying.”

“Potts can't handle the jealousy when he sleeps with women. I'm not sure on her thoughts on other men,” Natasha noted absently. 

Silence returned to the kitchen, before finally Clint said, “Nat? You know you're amazing and fantastic and my best friend?”

“Yes?

“You're not helping.”

Her lips twitched into a smirk, and under the table she lightly knocked her foot into his. 

“Tell me it's a bad idea to proposition Tony Stark.”

“It's a bad idea to proposition Tony Stark,” Natasha said, dutifully. “Pass the orange juice?”

“He is _really_ hot,” Clint complained, but he straightened to pass over the jug of orange juice. 

"He is,” she allowed, pouring her juice with one hand. And then, because it was Sunday morning and Clint was more sulky than seriously annoyed or unsettled, she added, “Also, he let me play with the suit once. I got to blow up an ice-sculpture.”

“...when?”

“When you were sulking around in the New Mexico desert guarding Thor's hammer.” He gave her a flat look, and she finally closed her book. “Okay,” she said, more seriously. “You can't proposition Stark as we have to save the world with him, and sex runs the risk of throwing off the dynamics and causing emotional messiness. Which is against our rules.” She paused, then added, “And for god's sake, if you want to change the rules, could you choose someone better than _Tony Stark_.”

“Nah, the rules are fine,” Clint said, sounding like his normal self instead of a moping thirteen-year-old. Then he paused, glanced at her. “If this is a sign you want me to seduce Captain America, it ain't happening, Nat.”

“...what? Hell no.” 

“Good. Because...he's a kid. A very _old_ kid, but he's a kid.”

“Agreed.” Then Natasha tilted her head a little. “Besides, I think he's still pining over Director Carter.” 

“...yeah. Sure,” Clint said, looking and sounding a bit blank. Blank, in this case, appeared to mean, 'brain cannot comprehend'. Natasha's smile turned a little wry; everyone had loved the refined and fierce Director Margaret Carter, including apparently those who arrived once she'd passed the badge and gun of leadership over to Fury. But, Clint being Clint, he was never confused for long when he could try and be clever. “Besides, Rogers' not a jerk.” 

“No, but he's a troll when he wants to be. Do trolls not count?”

“Only when they're you,” he said, and her smile was involuntary and happy. He smiled back briefly, and then shrugged. “Stark's just....annoying. You know, in your face. It's distracting.”

“I've noticed,” Natasha said, quietly. Then, “I think the others are kinda interpreting your reactions as trying not to hit him, rather than...trying not to grab his shirt and kiss him. Including Stark, and you know how he pokes at Banner to see what'll happen.”

“But _you_ noticed.”

“Clint. Darling. I notice _everything._ ” 

He huffed a laugh at that, and then got to his feet, dropping a kiss on her head as he moved into the kitchen-proper. She watched him, picking up her spoon but not her book. 

It wasn't as true as she'd like it to be, but she _did_ pay attention to Clint and she _did_ pay attention to the other Avengers. She paid attention to Stark and his complete inability to know when not to oogle people (and by people, she meant mostly _young women_ like Natalie Rushman had been) and when to respect their boundaries. Should Clint start to react with more disquiet and anger, she'd be ready to act and defend accordingly. 

But while Clint reacted with an annoyance closer to sulking than not, she'd just watch. 

And mock.


End file.
